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dan croll

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is this your heartbeat or is it mine?

A good friend of mine recently made the decision to change her entire life.

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Something was missing and she had been ignoring it for too long. She existed in a state of limbo, in between ending and beginning, wondering when she’ll feel whole. She decided she wasn’t going to be passive about it; instead she would seek it out for herself, shake things up and see where everything falls. Because it really was just like that – she was holding in her hands a configuration of little bits and pieces that she knew all too well. With her eyes closed, she held her breath and threw them up in the air. Now, watching them fall into a new set.

All of that was an effort to put into words how much I admire her self-awareness, courage, and willpower. She set out into an unknown and so I made this driving playlist for her, to keep her ablaze and give her company on her journey. What I didn’t know is that in creating such a playlist, I would end up listening to it nonstop.

I chose these songs because they speak to certain emotional moments you go through in shaking up your life: desire, awe, fear, doubt, nostalgia, peace, freedom. I find myself listening to this on repeat because I’m hoping I’ll catch some of her drive and, once again, get on with moving closer and closer to living the life I always dreamt about.

come to me, spring

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for now what keeps me warm is the promise, the memory
of sun-kissed drives and weekend stays
bare skin and popsicles
wandering freely and blooming everywhere