Alright so yes, I admit it’s totally cheesy to be quoting the cups song with the third Pitch Perfect right around the corner, but you know what? I just don’t give a f***. It’s speaking to me right now. Although I have some pretty low lows every now and then (who doesn’t?), I’ve been feeling pretty damn high in the friendship game. Sure there’s always room for more because no one has enough time nowadays but I feel like this year has been the ultimate in memory-making and friendship rekindling.
It’s mostly because I left retail – you’d be surprised at how much that changes your life. But another part of it has been my own personal commitment to ensuring that I surround myself with people who understand, support, and love me. That sounds like pure common sense, but it really doesn’t become so crystal clear until you’re older because when you’re like trying to be an adult, you’re forced to prioritize and other people are forced to prioritize as well. Strong friendships come out of mutual prioritization. Sustained mutual prioritization.
Convenience used to be a factor. School or work or whatever group/association you were involved in used to greatly dictate your company. Then you grow up, have a job and bills, and realize you have to make real choices about how you spend your time… and a friend has to choose you right back.
I’ve let go of a lot of friendships in my day, as I’m sure you have too. A lot of friendships that I was 100% certain would stand the test of time. They didn’t. And although each set of circumstances was different, all of the friendships that dissolved did so because of the same essential issue – we stopped choosing each other, we stopped choosing our friendship. To reference Sex & The City (apologies for all the chick flick references), some relationships are short stories, but that doesn’t mean there’s any less love in them. It’s just a part of life.
I’m not sure where I intended to go with this. I don’t have any sage words of wisdom. I’m just writing to write. To get back into the habit and to make sure I remember what a special year this has been.
I’ve been extremely delinquent with this blog. It’s a good thing when I really think about it – I’ve been so busy living real life that my virtual life has taken a step back. There can only be so many hours in the day, right? And I’ve learned that it’s okay to go through ebbs and flows with different outlets. It’s just a part of figuring it all out.
What’s been most challenging for this blog in the past few months is coming up with ideas to write about that are different or more interesting than my instagram. I don’t want it to just be a reiteration of the same stuff. I was on a good track with my summer travels but then I just fell off. I still have SO many great pictures from the west coast and also from Montreal – I just gotta hunker down and edit that shiz! I think the answer is to just stop being a perfectionist. I probably don’t need to edit every single picture that goes on here… or do I? I don’t know. One thing I’ve learned recently though is…
I don’t have to be everything to everyone.
The past few months of my life have been all about the above statement. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t repeat this to myself. It’s been the antidote to feeling inadequate and feeling like colleagues are passing me by. Creating a new mindset requires a mantra, and this one has been mine.
I’m not sure where this blog is going to go. More food? Maybe. More artistic process? I don’t know. Just hang in there with me. Any suggestions would be much appreciated!
It’s been about two weeks since I last posted on here which isn’t really THAT long but on the Internet, feels like a lifetime. As microblogging becomes more prevalent and pervasive (literally I’m finding myself on Instagram for hours and hours every single day), it feels ever more challenging to sit down and write “long form” blog post. Hah! Long? I mean, I can’t imagine what writing a book is like.
So this is more of a random journal entry than anything else, a chance to catch up with whoever still manages to lay their eyes on this blog. Like we’re sitting down for coffee and I’m just gonna say whatever comes to mind. I don’t have much direction to this other than to just share with you what’s been filling up my days.
Bar I’m frequenting:Whiskeybird (particularly the Piña colada and the French 95) Songs on repeat:I Feel it Comin by the Weeknd, Crowded Places by Banks, Butter Sugar Cream by Tomggg Looking forward to: Family vacay in July! I’m going to the West Coast with a lot of family and will also be seeing friends who I haven’t seen in years. Cannot wait to eat all the good foods, take all the pictures, and for my heart to be reinvigorated. YouTube inspiration:Melissa Alatorre. She’s so pretty, with and without makeup, and she makes me wanna live that LA life. I never feel like she’s posturing or trying to push an agenda. Book I’m reading:Chasing Slow by Erin Loechner
I don’t have much more for you other than that and I’m not even feeling any ounce of guilty for it. Every day is another day closer to 30 (yep my birthday is in September) and I always imagined that in my 30s, I would be more content with my life whatever it may look like. That doesn’t happen overnight; it takes a lot of reflection to change your perspective on the world. But I think I’m getting there! I have lots more in store for you and so much to share very soon. Hang in there for me.
Are you allowed to have quarter-life crises when you’re 30? What do we call it then? I’m really starting to get tired of these things. I’m getting old and I really just want to not give a fudge and just do what I want to do. That sounds nice right? Even as I’m typing this now, I’m like wait, maybe I shouldn’t have used the f-word (I edited it to fudge). But why do I even care? This is my space and this my time to let it all out.
I think the reason art, whether it be visual or motion picture, music or whatever, makes sense to me is because as you get older you start to feel like you need to be the best version of yourself. The most composed and balanced version of yourself. But the last few weeks I feel like I’m completely become unhinged and really, not for any single reason. It’s just a lot of little reasons. I’m constantly battling with myself in my head. And listening to the right song or watching the right movie is the only thing that makes me feel at ease or allows me to make sense of what’s going on in my head and heart.
There are a number of things I’ve been trying to work on in the last month or so. I’ve been so quiet on here and even on social media.. but I had to take ten minutes right now (like literally decided two minutes ago) to just get out what’s on my mind. These are the things I’ve been thinking about non-stop, which will hopefully get me moving forward in all kinds of good ways before the holidays creep up on me.
how to self regenerate and eventually become so good, it will only take an hour or two to feel balanced
how to apply things I learn in one workplace and apply them to the other areas of my life, like my art and my physical health
how to stop complaining/lamenting/resigning and just work on proactive solutions
how to stay connected and discern which connections are worth investing energy in
how to take risks and stop caring what everyone else thinks
I can’t help it. Winter makes me want to hide in a baggy long sweater! My obsessions turn towards tried and true accessories – beanies, fingerless gloves, booties. I love breaking all of these out of my drawers and super thankful that they’re still in style. What’s your favorite cold weather accessory?
The longer I look at these quilts by Ria Leigh, the more I fall in love with them. Her textile designs are everything I’m loving right now, with a nod to synthetic retro color palettes and a reverence for the tradition of geometric quilt pattern. I don’t think I can put it any more succinctly than she does on her own site:
Her work is situated within a matrilineal succession of makers and is influenced by her research on ancient cultural iconography, esoteric symbolism, pioneer practicality & Bauhaus ideology.
With work this bold and a statement so eloquently drafted, I can only presume that she’s been working on this for a lot longer than the ease of her patterns may suggest.
Reality TV isn’t something I tend to share on this blog, but I had to make an exception for The Bachelor. YES I SAID THE BACHELOR. I hated admitting that I watched every episode this season until all of the internets agreed that this may have been the best, or rather most entertaining, season the show has ever seen. I’ve never in my life watched an entire season of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette until now. And why the hell did I? Well, many things. First and foremost, Monday night TV just seemed so bleak. Besides HIMYM, which I watch online anyways, there was nothing engaging me to look past my laptop. So my boyfriend and I casually put on The Bachelor as mildly amusing background fodder. Little did we know, we would actually start watching it. Like, really watching it. Well maybe more me watching it and making him look up at the really intense parts.
What’s super ironic about the fandom generated around this season is that, like me, a lot of the viewers loved this season because they generally despise the conceit of the show in the first place. A reality show competition involving a group of women fawning over a singular suitor? That sounds like the lamest and saddest thing ever. Yet so many of us threw the towel in and indulged this season. Why? Well, darling, let me count for you the ways.