It’s been quite some time since I’ve really written on this blog. It’s getting more and more difficult to sort my thoughts into distinct topics and while they’re all relevant, I’m getting a bit self conscious about the fact that I still have feelings similar to those I had five years ago. I’m thinking that the reason for all of these thoughts is because of the dream. You know the dream. The millennial (ugh yes I’m one of those) goal of a fully realized life that looks beautiful, feels important, and is worthy of sharing with the world. We all want to feel significant, influential, and inspiring. I’m no different.
I turned 28 last week and am having that “this is it, this is the year” feeling. But I get that feeling every single year. Is it real? Is it a good thing to feel this sense of hope? Is this what keeps me going?.. Unfortunately this lovely hope is inextricable from fears that are motivational yet also crippling. I fear that with every year, I’m running out of time. Sounds pretty ridiculous for someone still in their 20s, but if I don’t get it right now, then when will I? I can wax poetic all day long about following your heart and going for what you want, but if I’m not doing it then what does that make me?
Yes, I have a nice little blog. Sure, I make some art in my free time. Indeed, I have an eye for creating with an aesthetic that people enjoy. I have x amount of followers and some people in Atlanta know who I am. But I feel like I’m moving at the pace of a glacier being dragged by a turtle. I still yearn for that moment when I’ll feel like I’ve made it, like I’m living the dream. But I’m wondering if it really exists or if I’m just mentally running on a treadmill trying to chase a fantasy.